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23 December 2035 @ 21:49

85% locked ; 15% open

currently: (selectively) ADDING | NOT ADDING
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Note that I will not add you just because you have added me (unless we know each other from somewhere). Still, it would be nice if you could leave a comment in this entry (comments will be screened afterwards). Don't get me wrong! I'm a nice person really and I welcome new viewers with open arms, but I would like to know who is lingering around my journal :) And you should also know that I can be a bad LJ-friend sometimes. I'm not a frequent poster or commenter. But I'm trying my best!

All you need to know about me
Icons are over here
Current Location: Vienna
Current Mood: amused
17 November 2013 @ 09:27
I've been seeing things the wrong way. I've been angry at my family for not paying attention. For not showing any interest in me after everything I've told them. What frustrates me most is it took me 5 years to find the strength and courage to show them my vulnerability, and it seems that it hasn't changed much. I've put myself out there and I didn't get the response I hoped to get ---
But I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that it's OK that way. It depresses me sometimes and I get frustrated when I don't get what I want and need from the people who are supposed to care. It saddens me that I cannot lean and rely on the people with whom I have had the earliest and longest connection. Unfortunately, we have failed to establish a connection.
I have relied too much on people who cannot give me what I need and got angry at them for not being what I wanted them to be. So, instead of letting myself be eaten up by that situation, I have to look for what I need somewhere else --- I would have liked to have shared my journey with my family, but I cannot expect them to prioritise me. They have their own lives. And if they don't see me as part of it or want to be part of mine, then I'm going to be OK with that and live with the consequences. I have to stop forcing things that don't want to change ---
I'm facing the difficulty, living through it in order to finally let go.